How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

If you’re reading this, someone you love has probably died — and now you’ve been asked to write their obituary. Maybe you offered. Maybe it simply landed on you. Either way, it can feel like a lot: putting a whole life into a few paragraphs, at the exact moment when words are hardest to find.

Take a breath. You don’t have to do this alone, and it doesn’t have to be perfect. An obituary isn’t a test. It’s a small act of love — a way of saying this person was here, and they mattered. This guide will walk you through it, one step at a time.

What an Obituary Really Is

An obituary does two simple things: it shares the important facts, and it tells a little of the story.

The facts are the practical part — the name, the dates, the service details, the family left behind. People genuinely need these to know what happened and when to gather.

The story is what makes it theirs. It’s the line about how they never met a stranger, or how their garden was the envy of the whole street, or the way they laughed with their whole body. You don’t need much. Even one true detail can make an obituary feel alive instead of like a form someone filled out.

If you keep both of those in mind — a few facts, a little story — you already understand the heart of it.

Before You Begin: What to Gather

You don’t need everything at once. Just jot down what you know, and you can fill in the rest later. Here’s a simple list to start from:

• Full name, plus any nickname they went by, and a maiden name if it applies.
• Dates — date of birth and date of death. You can add where they were born, too.
• Family — spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, siblings, and those who preceded them in death.
• Service details — the date, time, and location of the funeral, memorial, or celebration of life, if they’re set.
• One or two personal details — a hobby, a passion, a role they were known for, a story that was so them.
• Flowers or donations — whether the family prefers flowers, or would rather people give to a cause in their memory.

If some of these are still up in the air, that’s completely normal. Write what you have and come back to it.

The Five Parts of an Obituary

Most obituaries follow the same basic shape. Once you see the five parts, the whole thing feels far less daunting — you’re really just filling in each piece.

1. The Announcement. The opening line that shares the name, age, and when they passed. Example: “Margaret ‘Peggy’ Sullivan, age 81, passed away peacefully at home on March 4, 2026, surrounded by her family.”

2. Biographical Details. A short overview of their life — where they were born, their work, military service, faith, or the passions that shaped them. This is where a life starts to take form.

3. Family and Relationships. Who they leave behind, and who was waiting for them. Listing surviving family and those who preceded them in death is one of the most-read parts of any obituary, so take care with the names.

4. Service Information. When and where people can come together to remember them — the funeral, memorial, graveside, or celebration of life.

5. A Closing or Personal Touch. A favorite saying, a line of scripture, a note about where to send donations, or one last image of who they were. This is the part people carry with them.

That’s the whole framework. If you ever feel stuck, come back to these five and ask, what do I know for this piece?

(If staring at a blank page is the hard part, a tool like our free Obituary Builder can turn these details into a first draft for you — more on that at the end. For now, let’s keep going.)

Choosing the Right Tone

There’s no single “correct” voice for an obituary. The best tone is the one that sounds like the person you’re writing about. Here are four to consider:

• Formal and traditional — dignified and classic, the style you often see in newspapers. A safe, respectful default.
• Warm and personal — more storytelling and heart, with room for the small memories that made them who they were.
• Simple and direct — short, clear, and focused on the facts. Never a lesser choice; sometimes the most honest one.
• Light and celebratory — a little humor, a little joy, fitting for someone who lived that way. It’s more than okay to smile.

You can even blend them — a formal opening, a warm middle, a celebratory close. Let the person lead.

A Sample Obituary to Show You How It Comes Together

Sometimes it helps to see one assembled. Here’s a short, gentle example that uses all five parts:

Margaret “Peggy” Sullivan, age 81, passed away peacefully at home on March 4, 2026, with her family beside her. Born in Galveston, Texas, Peggy spent 40 years teaching third grade, where she was known for her patience and her endless supply of peppermints. She loved her rose garden, strong coffee, and any excuse to feed a crowd.

She is survived by her husband of 58 years, Tom; her children, Sarah and Michael; four grandchildren; and her sister, Joan. She was preceded in death by her parents and her beloved brother, Danny.

A celebration of Peggy’s life will be held at First Methodist Church on Saturday, March 15, at 2:00 p.m. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to the local library in her name.

“She never met a child she couldn’t teach, or a stranger she couldn’t feed.”

Short, warm, complete. Yours doesn’t have to be any longer than this to be beautiful.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

A few gentle things to watch for:

• Waiting for it to be perfect. It won’t be, and it doesn’t need to be. Done and heartfelt beats polished and late.
• Double-check the names and dates. This is the one place to slow down. Read the family names aloud to someone who knew them.
• Trying to say everything. You can’t fit a whole life in a paragraph, and you don’t have to. Pick a few things that were truly them.
• Skipping the story entirely. A list of dates is accurate, but it’s the one small memory that people will remember.

Sharing the Obituary with Family and Your Funeral Director

Once you have a draft, share it with a few close family members before it’s final. Ask a simple question: Does this feel true to them? Is there anything you’d want added? Try to decide in advance who gets the final say — too many voices can turn a tender task into a stressful one.

Then bring the version you love to your funeral director. They often need it for the funeral home’s website, the printed program, and for submitting to a newspaper if you’re using one. Handing them a finished obituary you’re happy with saves everyone a round of back-and-forth, and helps make sure it’s published exactly the way you meant it.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should an obituary be? There’s no rule. Many run between 200 and 500 words. Newspapers often charge by length, so a shorter version for print and a fuller one for online is common.

What’s the difference between an obituary and a eulogy? An obituary is written — a short notice announcing the death and the service. A eulogy is spoken — a longer, personal tribute given at the service itself.

Who usually writes the obituary? Most often a spouse, adult child, or close family member. There’s no requirement — it’s simply whoever is willing and able. That’s likely why you’re here, and that already says something kind about you.

Can the funeral director write the obituary? Often, yes. Many funeral homes will write or help write the obituary as part of their care for a family — my husband does this regularly. But even then, it begins with you. Before he writes a word, he sits down with the family to gather the details — the names, the dates, and especially the stories — because those can only come from the people who loved them. So whether you write the obituary yourself or your funeral director writes it for you, gathering the information above is time well spent. It’s the part no one else can do.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

After years alongside my husband — a licensed funeral director — I’ve watched countless families face this exact blank page. It’s one of the quiet, hard parts of loss that no one prepares you for. That’s the whole reason The Funeral Helper exists.

However you write it — with help or on your own, in five minutes or over an afternoon — know this: you’ve already begun the important work of honoring a life. And that is more than enough.

If you’re also starting to think about the service itself, you might enjoy 7 Ways to Personalize a Memory Table for any Memorial Gathering — simple, heartfelt ideas for another place their memory can shine.